While every generation wonders how they live up to their ancestors, one area where we as human beings are making steady and commendable progress is personal hygiene. Our great-grandfathers bathed once a week, our grandfathers had never heard of deodorant, and our fathers grew up thinking that a few swipes with a bar of Ivory was enough to keep even their sweatiest and most sensitive areas dry and clean. But if you’ve ever flown cross-country in business casual or run down the street to catch your bus, you already know that it doesn’t take much to turn everything inside your underwear into a swampy mess guaranteed to cause discomfort and potential embarrassment.
Luckily, the market is now flush with products that claim to control even the sweatiest of nether regions, but that presents a new challenge: how do you know which personal powder can consistently and safely protect from sweat and odor? What matters, and what’s just marketing, when it comes to selecting a product you’re going to be trusting with your most valuable and vulnerable parts? To answer these questions, we put six bestselling powders to the test: Anti Monkey Butt, Bozak, Chassis, Dude, Gold Bond, and Johnson’s Baby Powder. We tested each product thoroughly, with at least two full days of use, and gave them 1-5 points in three main categories before adding up the total scores to determine the winner.
While this may not seem like the most important category, keep in mind that this is a product you’re planning to use on a daily basis. Is this something you feel comfortable keeping on the shelf in your bathroom? As legacy products with a more “general use” reputation, Gold Bond and Johnson & Johnson pass the test easily. Bozak and Chassis, as well, feature modern design and nothing too embarrassing on the bottle. Dude Powder, while not too bad, loses points for the slightly cheesy name, as well as a message on the front promising “Long Lasting Stank Protection.” And then there’s Anti Monkey Butt, which has packaging as bad as the name — an enormous illustration of a hideous, leering primate applying powder to his bright crimson ass while giving a thumbs up.
Another packaging consideration is the dispenser top- there seem to be two distinct styles of top- the traditional “shower head” design, where twisting the top ring seals/unseals a wider ring of holes through which the powder is dispensed, or a locking flip-top that reveals a more focused group of holes. Through our testing, we’ve found that the flip-top is the optimal dispenser, both in giving control over the amount of powder dispensed, and also helping to keep excess powder from getting all over the place. Only Bozak and Chassis featured this style of top, and between this and their sleeker, more discreet design, they earn our top marks- use and display with confidence.
Anti Monkey Butt: 2
Gold Bond: 4
The most pressing issue when considering a powder is, undeniably, the inclusion of talc- is it a tried and true, naturally-derived absorbent, or a dangerous additive? To put it simply- the science is out. Talc, a mineral containing magnesium, silicon, and oxygen, also contains asbestos in some natural forms. Because breathing asbestos has been known to cause cancer, there’s some concern that powders made of talc can similarly cause lung cancer if breathed, as well as concern about a possible link between talcum powder use and increased rates of ovarian cancer in women. You might notice that neither of these concerns directly relate to a guy using this on his junk, and you’d be right- combined with the FDA rule that all talc-containing powders must test for asbestos, it seems it might be overblown to panic. Still, the idea that there’s any concern at all needs to be considered, so we’re docking Gold Bond, Johnson & Johnson, and Anti Monkey Butt for all being talc-based. Johnson’s Baby Powder, in particular, is literally comprised of nothing but talc. Bozak, Chassis, and Dude substitute in Zea Mays Starch, a form of corn starch that is also highly absorbent and presents no cancer concerns- something we’d call a clear plus. Unfortunately for Chassis, their particular version of Zea Mays seems more roughly-milled than the others, providing a relatively abrasive and clumpy application process.
Anti Monkey Butt: 3
Gold Bond: 3
As for the ingredients of the other brands, the most important is menthol, which stops itching, as well as providing a particularly cooling sensation when applied- where else- to the balls. Of the powders tested, Gold Bond, Bozak, and Dude all contain menthol, which provides their signature zip. Anti Monkey Butt tackles potential itches with a different ingredient, calamine, which does provide a level of soothing relief, but also colors the powder a somewhat disturbing pinkish-red. Bozak, Chassis, and Dude also all contain aloe, which can reduce inflammation and skin irritation- a definite plus. Bozak additionally stands out with the inclusion of Miconazole Nitrate, a powerful anti-fungal, and Zinc Oxide, a skin protectant.
From there on, each of those three brands boasts a different profile of ingredients that may or may not make a difference- chamomile (in Dude), pumpkin seed (in Chassis), and eucalyptus (in Bozak and Dude) all come to mind as ingredients that sound like you should be impressed by them, but exactly why remains unclear.
Protection and Longevity
Of course, nothing building up to this really matters compared to the primary question about these powders: do they really keep your equipment clean, dry, and smelling good?
It’s probably not the most useful thing to start out saying, but the truth is, all of these products work quite well. Both talc and corn starch are extremely effective at drying and smoothing skin, absorbing moisture, and reducing skin irritation from the friction of daily motion. Not satisfied with evaluating these powders with minor daily activity, however, we truly put them to the test by taking each on an extensive, 15-mile round trip bike ride- the kind that can chafe thighs and cause some seriously swampy conditions- and it was here that the corn starch based powders distinguished themselves with more absorbency and a smoother, longer-lasting dryness. Of the talc powders, the Johnson’s had a particularly rough time with forming unsightly clumps when the sweating became too intense. Gold Bond, while more effective, has such an overwhelming medicinal odor that many might find it unpleasant.
Anti Monkey Butt: 4
Gold Bond: 3
Overall, we found all three of the starch-based powders- Bozak, Chassis, and Dude, to hold up throughout intense physical activity- but only the metholated powders, Bozak and Dude, were able to provide complete comfort throughout thanks to the cooling effects of the menthol (combined with peppermint oil to increase the sensation). While it might not be everyone’s preference, we found it makes the difference in making you feel slightly less sweaty and gross even during exercise.
“The bottom line is, there’s no longer any excuse for going around all day in sweaty discomfort with all of these highly effective products on the market.”
We do need to give some credit here to Anti Monkey Butt, which, while not the most effective at actually preventing sweat and friction in the moment, was actually quite soothing on the skin due to the moisturizing and anti-inflammatory properties of calamine.
So we know what you’re thinking: what a surprise that our powder came out ahead. We can tell you that’s not how we planned it, but you’re not going to believe us anyway, and frankly, we wouldn’t have invented Bozak in the first place if we thought a perfect powder already existed. We designed Bozak from the ground up to address every possible issue and need- to be comfortable, long-lasting, easy to use, soothing, and great smelling. In fact, that confidence is why Bozak has a complete money-back guarantee- so you don’t have to take anyone’s word for it. But to be honest, Chassis and Dude work well, and even Anti Monkey Butt has its use, provided you hide the bottle somewhere your guests will never find it. The bottom line is, there’s no longer any excuse for going around all day in sweaty discomfort with all of these highly effective products on the market. So find the one that appeals most to you and make swampy balls a thing of the past.
Interested in more content? Look no further than our blog, Bozak Health.
Gold Bond: 10
Anti Monkey Butt: 9